I knew you even in your mother's womb

Tuesday was rough... I went to the doctor early because of some issues and found out that we lost the baby. These last couple days have been a blur. Stephen is such a precious angel. This is how our conversation went:

"Stephen, you know how Mommy had a baby growing in her tummy?"

"Yes, mom."

"Well, the baby didn't work."

"So is the baby at the hospital, because it isn't with you?"

"No honey, the baby is in heaven with Jesus and your sister Sarah."

"So now I have two sisters in Heaven?"

"Yes, Sweetie."

"ok."

Then later that evening he was at a friend's house and talked with her. Her mom said she came over and said Stephen told her a sad secret. This is how that one went:

"Mom Stephen told me a secret that is really sad."

"What was it?"

"He said that his baby sister died and went to heaven today. Isn't that sad, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's very sad."

My husband is amazing. He brought me home flowers and whispered, "I wish I was there with you today. I'm sorry." Then he hugged me. This ministered to me more than I can tell~ I whispered back through tears "I need your strength." And he gave it to me. He just held me until I was ready to let go. I am blessed with a good man as my husband.

I am also blessed with many good friends. Thank you for your support. I love all of you.

So this is what I learned so far from this experience. Stephen wants to have a baby sister. I don't want to tell him too early again to risk his precious heart. I believe all things happen for a reason. God will not put us through trials we cannot handle. In the midst of grief, God's glory will shine through. God is always in control. It is ok to grieve and be sad but not ok to fear or worry. I do not want to live in or with fear. My human nature will be to fear but I will work hard not to let it bring me down. It says in 1 John that there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. As I believe that life is from conception, we will morn the loss of our baby but look forward to the day our family will be blessed again. Romans 8:28 says "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God and are the called according to His purpose." This is the verse that I am clinging to today. I will be looking for the Lord to work this together for good. I love my precious boys and am glad that we were blessed with them.